The Irony of it All

I have a lot of time on my hands to sit and think.  This could be a good or a bad thing.....  I'm going to sound ungrateful, rude, crude, too honest, and probably resentful.  Read on at your own risk!

Things of late:

I want to have friends, but I rarely enjoy the entanglements that come as a result.  I become weary too fast.  The dynamics of most relationships and drama make me withdraw very quickly.  I also recognize that I'm too difficult in large or extended doses.  (The day that someone will take me as I am will be the day I have a BFF.)

I'm honestly having more fun doing my own thing now.  I don't have to answer to anyone.  I don't have to play nice.  I'm united with a couple of people at the moment because of a will to survive and not surrender.  We desire not to be bullied away from two loves and that is our common purpose.  But, I'm still pretty much on my own.

What is it that I'm really missing?  The interaction probably more than anything.  I only miss a couple of people because I enjoyed their ideas and their work.  I can honestly say that I probably wouldn't have been friends with even these people in real life because our points of view and lifestyles were just too different.  (I've never said, but even with difficulties with online interactions it became much more apparent during my visit to Utah last fall.  I wanted to see a quilt and hang with friends, but got dragged around town to religious sites and witnessed a wild spending spree instead.  Even then people were talking behind other people's backs and making judgments about family, religion, and quilting skills.)

Quilting Twilight is just not that big of a deal to the rest of the fandom or the world.  From the millions of people in the fandom, only a handful of people participate despite national and local publicity, etc.  I'm not saying that there aren't more people out there doing their own thing or that don't admire the quilts, but really how popular and influential is a Twilight quilting group going to be in the fandom?  How many people really want to be quilt Twilight?  How many people will voice their opinions with their wallets for handmade goods?

It's almost just another interesting novelty to the fandom.

Most of the world doesn't understand the work and love that goes into making a quilt.  We've all got stories of how we made a quilt for a family member or friend and they turned their noses up at the gift in one way or another.  I propose that most of us quilt for ourselves.  We want people to appreciate the art, but most people don't and won't ever truly understand or appreciate quilting.  How selfish am I when I give a quilt as a gift?  I want people to be in awe and I like hearing the compliments.  How many people would rather get something else, though?  It's not that quilts don't make nice gifts, but most people just see them as a blanket.

I will still quilt Twilight because I love seeing the books come to life in quilts.  I enjoy finding ways to make this happen.  I love to quilt.  I love Twilight.  No one has exclusive rights to combining both passions.  No one.....not even me.......or them.  I can honestly say that I am trying to prove a point, but my main purpose will always be for the LOVE.

Sharing, Part Deux

When one is part of a group or friends with someone, sharing becomes part of the bonding experience. It establishes and reinforces trust. It solidifies a relationship.

I've been quietly working on my friendship with S's friend's mom in the past month or so. It's not that we haven't talked a little before now and I even went to see New Moon the first time with her, but we've not taken our friendship to the next level before now.  I've been reluctant to become more than just S's mom because of my recent difficulties and the fear of any complications that may arise with future difficulties between the girls or between us that would cause problems with either friendship.  I'm not saying that we will be BFF's, but it's nice to be friends with another person.  We share some common interests with some similar family angst issues and, if nothing else, it's fun to chat.

We've moved onto to the sharing stage.  I loaned her The Host and she loaned me the first book in the Left Behind series.  We've talked about Twilight.  We've discussed some family issues.

In the back of mind, I keep telling myself to proceed with caution!  Don't screw this up!  Don't share too much!

How quickly things can change when you are no longer friends with someone.  The stuff you have said can be used against you.  You may find out that what you were told was a lie in the interest of friendship.  Relationships become explosive!

Back to yesterday's sharing post and quilting, though......

When you are friends with someone, sharing of quilt patterns is a bonding experience/ritual and not the copyright infringement it really is.

When you are sharing ideas, you are helping someone not forcing your style on someone or being a bully.

When someone uses your work or an idea, you are being complimented not stolen from.

When you disagree with someone, you are giving your opinion not being a bitch.

When you are a good quilter, people appreciate your work and don't think you're showing them up.

When you make suggestions,  you are being constructive and sharing knowledge not being critical and too perfect.


Do you have any?

And While We're on the Topic of Sharing....

Just how much of a quilting opportunist are you and how many of us are willing to admit it?

How many times have you "shared" a pattern with a friend?

How many times have you seen something and not bought the pattern, magazine, etc and drafted one of your own "patterns" to make said item?

Have you ever read something in a book and based upon that description made a pattern or found one to use that depicts that description.

How many times have you "borrowed" someone's idea and used it?
(You may have changed it slightly...... Or, maybe implemented an idea from a brainstorming session....)

I could on and on.

Project Monkey: Drinking of the Kool-Aid

Whether or not you think the phrase "drink the kool-aid" offensive, because of it's roots to the Jonestown murder suicides in 1978, it's a very effective phrase.  My kids would look at me blankly if I used it, buy my generation and older would probably know what I meant.

The term “drink the Kool-Aid” is used to describe blind acceptance of something, whether it be a high stress work environment, an order from a superior, or membership in a particular group.  (Wisegeek)

I'm asking you not to drink the kool-aid..... wherever it may be offered up:  politics, business, friendship, or quilting groups.

People become so overwhelmed by charisma, a personal quality attributed to people who arouse fervent popular devotion and enthusiasm, that they abandon any ability for critical thinking or just plain good sense regarding character and true intentions.

A kool-aid drinker will mindlessly follow his or her leader even if it means doing personal or public harm to self or others. (open.salon)

What is worse when you drink your own kool-aid!

I admit to sipping the stuff, including my own concoction.  Unfortunately, I'm the type that gets sucked in because I'm so desperate for belonging.  It's a good thing I haven't received any invititations to cult meetings lately.

My professional head shrinker was aghast at my latest endeavor and lease on life.  It wasn't what they had in mind when I promised to move on.  There's only so much I can agree to and I agreed to get more exercise and to get involved and I.....have.


It's super awful quality, but I couldn't find anything better.

Missing Keys

M has been searching for a set of keys for a couple of weeks. There is some question as to who had them last. He insists that C used them to get into my car for something and didn't give them back. She says no. He's even asked me a couple of times if I've seen them....really, do you have them?....NOPE!

Don't tell anyone, but his Suburban starts without the key. So, he doesn't really need the keys unless, as I'm guessing, there is some type of important work key on there or something to explain his frenzy to find them.

C has lost her house key. Both older kids have keys to the house and they are needed to be carried daily now since my parents bring them home and let themselves into the house. (My parents have a key, too, just in case.) Z misplaced his last week, too, but he found his. Small miracle, too.... What is so hard about using the key and then putting it immediately back into the backpack?

The point to all this lost key talk is this? I would see the lost keys as an opportunity to clean and get organized while looking for them. C had a texting war of words with her dad yesterday starting out with her request for a replacement key. (She had gotten locked out of the house when M and I were both gone.) M came home to look for her key himself in her room. Uh, oh. He wasn't happy with all the junk underneath her bed--the pot calling the kettle black. I came upon him looking for his keys again later that afternoon. Instead of him just finally putting away all the crap next to his bed while looking for his key, he looked through it and then put it all back on the floor!!!! I asked him why he didn't just put stuff away? I asked him if he didn't know what to do with the stuff?!!! I've been waiting for him to do something with it all, but my patience has run out. He said to me that he would "deal with it later, but for now he was just looking for his keys."

I'm not perfect. I let stuff pile up. OMG, though..... There comes a time when you have to get things done. I've given him months to deal with his stuff and it still sits. I've begged, cajoled, and nagged for him to go through stuff and find a place for it all.

I am so torn about this and other things. If I put stuff away, he's going to be mad at me. If I continue to bug him about doing stuff around the house, he's going to be mad at me. If I let things sit, I'm going to unhappy and mad.

I think a lot about this and other things as one might guess since I write about it constantly.

Part of our problem is that this has always been our problem. It' why NOTHING ever gets done. We can never agree on anything from paint colors to furniture placement. He's way too involved in stuff like this. Gulp... He also doesn't like to be bossed by me.

I admit to having this philosophy: I think of the house as my domain. I think I should be able to have things the way I want them. Leave the decorating to me, as one might say. I also think everything should be picked up and have a place. (This doesn't mean that I expect a spotless house. Far from it!!!!) Most of my friends and people I read about have this type of situation. I want M to butt out and just do the improvements as I want and need.

Shocked?!

At this point, though, I'd probably be willing to go along with any decisions he would make as long as he would make them and stuff would be put away. Black walls? No problem? Mirror on the ceiling, why not?! Pool table instead of a dining room table? Sounds wonderful! Just get it done.....

The Flip-side of Friendship

Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves.

Albert Camus

Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back.

Blaise Pascal

Truth springs from argument amongst friends.

David Hume

There is little friendship in the world, and least of all between equals.

Francis Bacon

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Unknown

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

William Blake

I started looking for "friendship" quotes after hearing Peter Boyles this morning on the way to work. He said something similar to the last quote on the list and so I had to search for reference. The last quote is the closest I could find.

I finished another book last night. It's easy to zip through a book when I've got time to kill at soccer practices and when the books are small. The book of choice this time was Unwritten Rule by Elizabeth Scott. I've read other Scott books, including Something Maybe and.....Living Dead Girl (warning: not for the faint of heart!!!!!!!)

Sarah and Brianna have been friends since Kindergarten. Brianna "saved and picked" Sarah to be friends with her. Sarah is very loyal to the point of her own heartbreak. Brianna has it tough because her family life even though she is described as every high school boy's wet dream and seems to have it all otherwise. Sarah has had a crush on Ryan for years, but Brianna ends up being his girlfriend. A kiss happens, Brianna's dad abandons her, and Sarah must navigate through the pitfalls of friendship and all those unwritten rules. Who needs whom more? Just how did Ryan and Brianna end up together if Ryan really intended to be with Sarah? Is it possible to feel sorry for Brianna, but also want to slap her? And, more.........

Sure books provide entertainment and distraction for me, but I also think a lot about them during and after--not enough to the extent or worthiness of a bookclub-type discussion or English paper dissection. This book was no different.

There are a lot of unwritten rules for friendship and life in general. I see it even today with my girls, especially. C is a popular chick with a lot of friends. She seems to be well-liked and doesn't want for activity. We don't talk a lot about her life, but some of the things she's said about here friends came to mind while reading this book. S's friendships, too.

S made fast friends with a classmate soon after the start of the school year at her new school thank goodness! They get along well, but S is definitely second fiddle in their relationship in so many respects. She gets bossed a lot and gives in. She also isn't friends with anyone else really so she doesn't dare upset the relationship. C knows that she has to be careful to navigate her friendships, also. She carefully picks her activiites, her wardrobe, boys, etc. She follows the unwritten rules of not liking other friend's romantic interests even if old, unrequited, simple crushes, or friend's brothers.

I guess this is what life is really all about. I wouldn't know.

so you SAY

An open letter......

(Specifically about quilting, but can apply to other pursuits.)

So you SAY you don't want to be perfect and you don't care about mistakes. So you say you're used to imperfection and and that's good enough for you.

I think people are as bothered by others trying to do their best as I am bothered by people that don't try to do their best.

I'm certainly not perfect, but I do try to do my best. I'm not shy about doing things over if I see mistakes and know that I can improve the next time.

I know people hold this against me.

Does it bother you when people do nice work? I may get a bit jealous--I'm only human--but it usually makes me want to learn more and to do a better job. Or do you become resentful and make them feel bad for being good at what they do?

I started making my blocks for the Keeping the Faith Quilt. I'm paper piecing the blocks. I modified the pattern so that the seams of the strips on each side of the block are opposite and the seams will nest when I sew the two sides together. My first block went together without a problem. My second block with a couple of issues. My third block had more mismatched seams than matching. I left the second block alone for all of..............a 1/2 an hour before I seam ripped the second and third block. I could have left the blocks, but I knew that I could make them right.

I guess it's all about what you can live with.

You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat it TOO

I can't sleep as much as I'd like and get everything I want to get done. I've always been a person who wants my cake and to eat it, too. I know I'm supposed to understand this quote, but I really don't because on it's face it just doesn't sound like it makes sense. It's almost like an Alice in Wonderland quote.

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?"
"Come, we shall have some fun now!" thought Alice. "I'm glad they've begun asking riddles. — I believe I can guess that," she added aloud.
"Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?" said the March Hare.
"Exactly so," said Alice.
"Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.
"I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "You might just as well say that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"
"You might just as well say," added the March Hare, "that 'I like what I get' is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!"
"You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'!"

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 7

I do understand that I want to sleep a lot, but I also want to get more accomplished. Something has to give and so I usually get less done because I've never been able to train my body to do with less sleep. I can stay up late some nights, but usually I ended up paying the piper after that.

I guess the answer would be to get more done in the time I'm awake? I usually take life at a leisurely pace, though. I guess I really do want to have my cake and eat it too.

And while we're on the subject of cake, this one also applies to my life of late:

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Dave Barry