I'm itching to do something destructive. Lord, help me get through the day.......
On another note, M sent me this email the other day. The content sent me into fits of laughter. The fact that I'm upset with him today doesn't take away from the fact that it's funny and will post it now.
I think Tandem Writing would be A LOT of fun. I suggested he and I do it. He said our story would end up about Vampires (me) and War (him)...
Please note: does contain some *bleeped* language. Oh, and sorry for the formatting errors. I'm too lazy to fix them...
Mr. Simmons
Hello. I hope you and the family are doing well. I don't have much time, but our creative writing professor showed us this during a writing exercise and with your preference for sci-fi, I thought you might like it. This woman and man are corresponding with each other and create this story where they each write their own narrative every other paragraph. The woman writes of romance and love and the man write of "space nebulas." Eventually they become fed up with each other and kill one another in there own narratives. I thought it was pretty hilarious. Hope you enjoy it.
Marguerite
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with
a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will
pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework
tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You
will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The
partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the
story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person
will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you
wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree
a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..."
But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of
nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the
direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the c0ckpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why
must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the
first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who
pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of
the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they
swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall
I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh
no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many
Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
a$$hole.
(Gary)
B!tch
(Rebecca)
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
