Warpath

I'm itching to do something destructive.  Lord, help me get through the day.......

On another note, M sent me this email the other day.  The content sent me into fits of laughter.  The fact that I'm upset with him today doesn't take away from the fact that it's funny and will post it now.

I think Tandem Writing would be A LOT of fun.  I suggested he and I do it.  He said our story would end up about Vampires (me) and War (him)...

Please note:  does contain some *bleeped* language.  Oh, and sorry for the formatting errors.  I'm too lazy to fix them...

Mr. Simmons

Hello. I hope you and the family are doing well. I don't have much time, but our creative writing professor showed us this during a writing exercise and with your preference for sci-fi, I thought you might like it. This woman and man are corresponding with each other and create this story where they each write their own narrative every other paragraph. The woman writes of romance and love and the man write of "space nebulas." Eventually they become fed up with each other and kill one another in there own narratives. I thought it was pretty hilarious. Hope you enjoy it.

Marguerite


Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:



The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with

a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will

pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework

tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You

will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The

partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the

story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person

will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to

re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.

There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you

wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree

a conclusion has been reached."



The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca and Gary.



THE STORY:



(first paragraph by Rebecca)



At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now

reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he

liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off

Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too

much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the

question.



(second paragraph by Gary)



Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack

squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think

about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with

whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.



"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic

communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..."



But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of

nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the

direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the c0ckpit.



(Rebecca)



He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he

felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who

had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless

hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law

Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper

one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared

out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly

and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from

her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why

must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.



(Gary)



Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.

Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the

first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who

pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had

left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were

determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of

the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough

firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they

swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered

the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine

headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the

inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.



(Rebecca)



This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My

writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.



(Gary)



Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic

whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall

I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh

no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many

Danielle Steele novels!"



(Rebecca)


a$$hole.


(Gary)


B!tch


(Rebecca)


F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)


Go drink some tea - whore.



(TEACHER)



A+ - I really liked this one.