Still Doing Homework

There will be those days when I have to blog at least two or three times a day. The days when I'm so full-up of wit and wisdom that I have to write or I'll explode. The days I'm really bored at work. The days I'm lonely. You get the idea.....

I'm still doing my homework for the week. Still trying to find out what makes me tic. As the gals celebrate their anniversary and for the hundredth plus days in a row I think about them, I came up with this unflattering personality issue.

I remember in high school wanting to be a part of the popular crowd. It wasn't like I really liked the people in the In-Crowd necessarily, but I did want to be part of that group because it looked like so much fun. I wanted to be popular. I wanted people to like me even if I had to fake it. Given the opportunity I probably would have done just about anything--feel free to let your imagination run wild--to be a part of The Group.

Sorry to say that at 40 I'm still this way. It's true. I guess I've never gotten over high school.

Highly Recommended: Rants from MommyLand

One of the best feelings ever for me is feeling like I'm not alone.

I heard about this fantastic blog through the grapevine.

It's hilarious!!!!

Rants from MommyLand

From the I Am Not Alone Files:

Mommy Did a Bad Thing

As I lie in bed every night, running through the day's events in my head, I wonder - is it just me? I try hard every day only to fall short. Am I special? Should I find a support group? Is my poor husband actually doing community service by staying married to me? Why has God chosen to place such wonderful children in my care, when I am so clearly an imbecile? And then I realize that I may in fact be the luckiest person in the world because in spite of who I am (an imbecile) and what I do (be imbecilic), my family and friends love me anyway. It is a miracle. The sort that is celebrated in the streets of France on odd weeks in February. And with that happy thought -- and three glasses of wine -- I fall asleep.

My MommyLand moment this week:

M and I were talking about the subway bombings in Moscow Monday night. He didn't even know they had happened! C was sitting at the table. She added her two cents.

C: "OMG! Why would someone bomb a Subway?!..........."

At that point, I wasn't even really listening as I already had my nose buried back in the computer. My ears perked up when M replied "You've got to be kidding me C___?!"

Me: "What?"

M: "She thought someone bombed a Subway sandwich shop."

C: "I didn't know they had subways in Moscow. I couldn't figure out why someone would bomb a Subway place. I mean what's so bad about selling sandwiches?"

I guess I could see that, but still. Now, if there had been a newsflash on FB she might have known. I don't think she even knows where Moscow is.

Keeping the Faith Quilt

I thought I had decided on the fabrics, but then I went shopping again. I choose not to disclose how many extra yards I have purchased in order to find the 7 perfect yards for this quilt. I'm also not going to say how much more I'll have to buy since I only had FQs to audition for some of the fabrics.




from Quilts with Style, June 2005

I made M buy Sherlock Holmes tonight. I didn't see it when it was in theaters. I wish we had rented it instead. I was oddly disappointed with the movie. It bored me. Oh, well!

I had a strange day today. I came home early from work because I had a headache and another embarrassing problem. I fixed it and should have gone back to work, but I went to lunch and fabric shopping instead. Not good! I've done nothing but give in to my cravings lately....

Twilight Quilters Coven Anniversary

One of the most rewarding moments in my life was about a year ago. I helped found and administrate a group called the Twilight Quilters Coven, including securing their blog home and it's set-up. The group combined two of my obsessions: quilting and Twilight. I was a driving force behind the idea and design of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Quilt which was finally delivered to Stephenie this year after it's participation in a couple of quilt competitions, being displayed at the Utah New Moon Event, and a feature in Quilter's Home magazine. The group is celebrating their 1-year anniversary this week.

I won't be celebrating.... I am sad about that. I've forgiven the Twilight Quilters Coven for the way the whole New Moon Quilt played out. I'm not holding my breath anymore for their forgiveness. My "tantrum" has become legendary and is still mentioned to this day.

Parting shots:

Well, here's what you just apologized for. I should have just sent it out instead of waiting for everyone to "approve". I hope you take the intent of this message as one of acceptance and healing....

It's understandable if we don't hear from you for a little while....but please don't shut me and Elizabeth out, ok?

Your friend, Iris


Shannon,

You haven’t been kicked off the island…..

We admire you for your creative input, your exacting skills, your enthusiasm and drive.

However, to say that many of us were hurt by your recent actions is an understatement: the lack of communication ahead of time; the changing of blocks; the addition of undiscussed blocks; and most importantly the insult to people who invested their time, money, and care into participating.


mama2cjmj wrote:
In Utah I was so excited with her ideas for the quilt I offered to play with the layout, and she agreed. Then I worked on it, although I quickly wanted to give up, flaker that I am, and called her a couple of times to see if it was coming out acceptably. Not one hour after getting her final approval, I posted it then she hurriedly contradicted me publicly on our thread. I was SO embarrassed!

A little tweak here and there, fine. But I was astounded that she totally replaced Joyce's meadow without consulting! When I saw it my first thought was "tell me you asked first!" I thought she'd learned from the first tweak, Wanda's gifts! That was just insulting!



Meredemer wrote:
I have been thinking for a few weeks now that the quilt was turning into Shannon's quilt and I have been one that got feelings hurt. I am sorely disappointed in that the group trust was broken and there was a total disregard for the rest of us as Shannon feverishly worked to make it more hers than ours.



jewah1976 wrote:
Anyway, I think that this was handled very wrong, a 'group project' is done by a 'group' and if you don't want it to be a group project, don't offer to head it up. The fact that she truly altered some people's blocks so much and without even consulting us about it first is inexcusable!



LizzieBug wrote:
I was looking at it and the wolf paws, which are 2" x 2 1/2" don't look like they'll fit in the sashing -- which is very disappointing. I designed them to go in the sashing.



livethedream wrote:
I have to tell you, when I saw the new 'dangerous meadow' block, I cried and blamed myself for not making the block 'good enough'.

Even though I was finally really happy with how it turned out (I think the final count was 8 incarnations which is what took me so long), I think we can all relate to knowing what imperfections exist and hoping no one else notices. Looking at the final layout of the quilt, with the paws in the meadow, the block I sent would have been too busy, so she did need to have a new one. (I have asked her to send mine back. I worked really hard on it and will use it on something else.)

Of course, she truly should have consulted the group immediately with big changes such as new blocks. It really doesn't take much time to post and get a response from this group. And, honestly, to totally remake someone's block, not use what they made, and not tell them is inexcusable. It shows a total lack of respect.



hardhatcat wrote:
I was a bit put out by the extended silence from Shannon and then all of a sudden a lot of changes. I think she should have consulted the group before making any major changes and i was a little annoyed at the beginning with the confusion over the dimensions.



Melly wrote:
a group project should remain a group project. Someone who has such a huge responsibility as putting together the quilt should do it with a group opinion in mind. Of course, not everyone can get their way. Which is why I feel kinda sad, because it seems now that only one person got her way. we all invested time and money in this project.



This is an equal opportunity quilting coven. As long as someone has been welcome into our group, and is willing to go along with rules we set, then we need to respect that person’s artistic creativity, their personal skills, and themselves as a person.
All group projects need a majority consensus. When a coordinator is chosen and a layout is planned, everyone has a say in the final product. Any major changes have to be given over for input, discussion, and if needed voting.

Regardless of personal preferences, when a piece of work is turned in by an individual, it MUST be respected. Except perhaps for squaring off a block, if a minor change is needed, for example dealing with a sizing issue, that needs to be mentioned ahead of time to the individual out of respect and for input. If a major change is needed/desired, such as adding to the block, cutting off more than just for squaring, or replacing the block, the person who made the block MUST be contacted first. She deserves to be given the choice to a) give a go ahead, b) choose to remake it herself, or c) insist that it be included as is.

When we do group projects we need to be able to trust each other. And it is inexcusable to insult someone by changing their work without their consent! To be put in that situation, learning that your work was disregarded, after so much work and care went into it, is not how anyone would want to be treated.

We have come together to share our love of quilting and Twilight, to grow as quilters and as friends. Unanimously we agreed that we would like you to continue to be part of our little group. We would like to continue learning from you, as you learn from us, and have you share your work, both in group projects and in your own personal projects. Your quilting skills are amazing, your work is beautiful and having you choose to leave our group would be a big loss. We hope that you can get past your feelings enough to see that we really do value you.

But apologies are in order.

And we decided that in the interests of time Angie is going to finish the quilt and send it directly to Elizabeth.

What started out as most group members' ire with me tweaking the design and as a result needing to add some blocks, remaking some blocks without consultation or permission (some of the above pictured), and making the quilt project more of an individual one soon blew-up to an all out Quilt Fight when I inflamed the situation by not apologizing, not going quietly into the night, and demanding that my blocks be returned to me.

I know I reacted poorly. I got my dander up. I felt stabbed in the back by Elizabeth and Iris who were supportive behind the scenes, but turns out felt the same way as everyone in the end.

The quilt was remade. It auctioned for $850 at the Utah New Moon Event. The rest is history as they say!

Don't forget to enter the Coven's anniversary giveaway.

I "need" Photoshop!

Let the lobbying begin.....

I need Photoshop Elements. I've wanted it for a loooooong time, but I always manage to buy something else instead of investing in the software. My new strategy is to charm M into buying it for me. How I'm going to accomplish this feat of wifely manipulation will be a stretch even for me. (All in good fun--I'm well aware that M sees through all my shenanigans.....)

I need it for quilting. I do!

If I had the software, I could have really wowed you with graphics on this set of blocks:



I finished the new moon tonight. I's more than a black square--I actually pieced the moon so look closely. I thought about using a different black for the moon, but M said no. I almost always listen to him when it comes to fabric choices. The plan was to sew more tonight, but my late night is catching up with me. I'm off to bed.

Homework for the Week

I'm very good at being angry and unhappy. I excel at it actually.

It's been suggested by the monkey doctor that I try to be good at something else......

Still working on the coping skills thing.

I've also been told that instead of waiting to be forgiven by a certain Twilight quilting group that I should forgive THEM for what they did to ME. (Before any doubts the rosy picture I might have painted about the events and my part, I was brutally honest about everything.) Check them out: the blog has been redesigned and they're having an anniversary contest. Do yourself a favor and don't tell them I sent you....

Who Needs Sleep When I Can Stay Up and Sew?

Me! I'll be tired tomorrow....

Half Moon: No I Didn't Expose a Cheek

Is it working?



I also picked out the fabric for my Keeping the Faith Quilt. I ended up with four extra yards from indecision and x2 1/2 yards short for what I need. I have such a hard time picking out fabric.... I am using a couple of yards out of the 1-00-s I have in my stash which is a good thing, right? Too lazy to take a pic tonight. I'll spill soon.

I Went a Little Crazy this Weekend....

Did that post get you visiting and reading? Probably not because what else is new?

I did go a little crazy this weekend shopping, cleaning, giving things away, and throwing things away.

I also went a little bit crazy driving my family crazy and unhappy as me, nagging them without much result. M is out right now shopping Costco and taking C to get a haircut after spending half the day at my parents helping my dad snake a sewer line. Maybe she'll come home scalped?! If he thinks I'm trying to torture him, then he's probably right. How else do I get back at him? Maybe next time they should all appeal to my better humor, be busy, and know that if they help around the house I'll feel all warm, gooey, and guilty afterwards indulging them with lasagna, a blind eye to inactivity, and other gifts? Not my family....they would rather spend half the day in their jammies, ignoring the dishes and laundry, and watching T.V. or playing computer games. It's not their fault that I want to get things done around this hell hole we call a house.

I can only hope to believe that it's laziness that afflicts my family and not that they're being spiteful.

I was in the basement today cleaning. I didn't think that there was THAT much junk down there?! I actually had some old craft magazines in a box to be given away before I retrieved half of them. Hey, I might get to some of the projects someday! I think I took more stuff down there than I threw away unfortunately. I vow to paint SOMETHING in the very near future! (Thanks Dianne for the words of encouragement. I hear what you are saying....tough thing for a entrenched perfectionist such as me, but you are so right. It's not the Sistine Chapel.) I'm totally bothered by all the fabric I have in totes. Fabric that I got such a rush buying, but now is an rarely used stash. I want to use it! I want to make quilts!

The other thing M and I are at war over is church. He thinks it's good enough to go every other week. He also doesn't mind sending the kids to Sunday school and not go to church. He told the kids they didn't have to go to school today. I got annoyed. It's hard for me to get in the spirit of religion if I'm not consistent. What you say? I could have gone by myself. Yes, but then I would have had to answer all the questions about where everyone else was. So WHAT you say? Yeah, I know.....

So I made myself feel better by buying S a Barbie and A some Legos. I may or may not have purchased Nancy Halvorsen's new book Garden Song. I also drooled over this Twilight-y fabric.

I Can't Handle the Guilt

As I continue down the road of self-discovery.....

It's amazing I can get up in the morning or stay upright with all the guilt I carry around for just about everything in my life.

I'm not a good enough mom.

I'm lacking as a wife.

I'm certainly not a good daughter.

I'm a horrible friend.

I'm a Quiltzilla....

I shouldn't spend money on any of the things I spend money on, including my coffee habit and quilting obsession.

The list goes on and on.

It's not like I live with the guilt I have feel. I'm angry that I feel guilty. Sometimes I think it WOULD be better if I did the things I do with impunity. I regularly act out against the guilt I feel.

I Haven't Given Up

I haven't given up on getting things done around the house.

M took my dresser to Goodwill last Sunday. I wondered if he would ever take it, but this was a perfect example of M being on his own schedule and no amount of nagging or distress makes him move any faster. I got tired of looking at the counter in the kitchen that had a ton of his junk piled on it so I shoved it all into bags and put it all downstairs. He noticed right away, but only asked what I did with it all. He probably knew he had no room to complain since it's been over two months since I asked him to do it. He hasn't made a move to fix C's closet yet so that is next on the agenda. The door he took off months ago still sits in the hallway. (I think one of the dogs has even lifted their leg on it a couple of times.....) I am taking it downstairs this weekend.

As you might guess, the basement is a wasteland of junk. I have a broken wash machine or dryer down there from years ago. At least it's not outside in the backyard where another appliance has sat for years. The basement also houses all my fabric totes. I will be going through that all soon enough. I can't bear to part with any of it, but I might just have to. As it is, I rarely use any of it and I'm wondering if I'll ever get back to any of the PhD's that are stored either. I donated a ton of it years ago to Firehouse Quilts and I may do that again. (I donated a bunch of fabric that I had purchased before I knew what good fabric was.)

The Log Cabin Quilt has been ignored for weeks. I sewed four of the five rows and then stopped. I even bought the border fabrics so I don't really know what my problem is? The thought of another finished quilt must have scared me?! I haven't given up painting our room. I think I've got a case of nerves about it, though.

My salvation will be that warmer weather is just around the corner. It's been flirting with the Denver-area already. We're expecting another snow storm this afternoon. I always get more done in the summer.

New Moon, Block 2

This is what I'm going for: moons in a sequence like the movie opener and a surprise effect of "New Moon". I hope I can pull it off!



Hey, at least I'm sewing....something.

New Moon Quilt, Take 3

Block 1

Looking to recreate the opening sequence....

For E

My life doesn't totally suck. I was included in Stephenie Meyer's Thank Yous for the Twilight Quilt.







By the way, back on Facebook if anyone wants to friend me.

In Search of Happiness: Will it always allude me?

Lyrics | Soundtrack Artists Lyrics | Monsters Lyrics(use the arrows at the top of the box to make it move faster or slower)

Shannon: the MONSTER


More than one person in my life has asked me if I know how to be happy? Others have written me off because I'm such an unhappy person.

I tried an exercise. I tried to list times in my life when I've felt happy and I was hard pressed to come up with many or at least remember the instances. I do feel like a cloud hovers over me all the time. Any happiness that I feel and/or acknowledge is always tempered by some negativity I identify and focus on.

I'm reading a book someone gave me years ago, but refused to read. I've never given it away, though, which is very telling. The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken. It's focus is understanding the addictive process and compulsive behavior.

The book begins with a basic premise that happiness is cyclical and uncontrollable. (I'll have to think more about this. Does happiness find you or do you find it?)

The book says that almost all people crave happiness and are able to experience it during points in their lives, but for what ever reason it slips away. Don't worry happiness returns, but these cycles of happiness are virtually uncontrollable. It's impossible and unrealistic to be happy all the time. When people try to effect happiness unnaturally with a substance or an action, they increase their potential for addiction.

I think I should be happy with just being unhappy. LOL...... If I weren't trying to be happy all the time, then I wouldn't do things to effect the mood change associated with the euphoria. I wouldn't compulsively shop. I wouldn't try to be part of groups when I don't really like or identify with their purpose just to be a part of the group.

I skipped over a lot of the book last night to get to the solutions or steps to take to get well. What you say?!

One of these is to become more spiritual. I would like this to be an effective step for me. I've discussed my difficulty in attending church lately. I've talked about my disappointment in not being more a part of the congregration. This is a big fib. I want to go to church. I don't want to be bothered with all the social requirements, though. For instance, this has become a huge part of the service of late and is one of the reasons I've not wanted to go. Instead of the "Peace be with you....and also with you..." part of the service to greet those attending, the pastor has required us to participate in an exercise where we spend three minutes with another group/person and get to know each other and then finding another new person/group and introducing your new friends to them. Excruciating!

Before you think I walk around with a scowl on my face all the time and growl at people--that is SO not the case. Before you think that I don't know how to be neighborly or help out in a pinch--that's not the case either! I'm usually a very pleasant person. I know how to behave in social situations. YES, it would be better by most people's standards if I desired to be more social but I don't. I hate being forced to. I dislike feeling guilty because I'm not living up to expectations to be so.

WHY can't people just accept that I'm this way. You don't have to like it or me. When do I get to be ME?

Betrayals

You may not believe it, but I do edit a lot while writing and definitely before publishing. It could be much worse........... Sure the blog is for me to get it all out, but you well know how much I like visitors and comments because I don't feel as alone as I could be. With every angsty entry I worry, but I usually publish something or another even if it's a muted version of what I really want to say. The focus of this blog changed when I deleted my other one and I'm still not happy about that. One might not understand why I have to have more than one blog, but I do. I intended for this one to be about my home improvements and how quilting was a part of that. Until I get off my ass and have another blog, this is where I'll continue to spew.

I'm trying to be done with making excuses for what I write about on this blog. This one may or may not be a doozy by standards, but I must write. Read if you want!

Work has been difficult for awhile now. I've been dealing with a situation involving another division of my company. I'm a bookeeper with other evolving responsibilities so I have been drawn into the whole drama. I've been so stressed out over the whole situation! It looks like it's going to be resolved very soon even in an uncomfortable and wrenching way. I played along for as long as I could, but I'm honestly glad it's going to be resolved because it will relieve some of my work stress.

The situation brings to mind a peeve of mine: Betrayal. My boss trusted someone. He gave someone an opportunity and was sorely taken advantage of. My boss is upset by the business failure, but he's more upset and HURT by the betrayal he feels. I so get that!

A few months back I went through my own situation. I lay a lot of the blame at my feet for any number of reasons, including my lack of communication to parties that I had issue with and their work because I cringe at conflict. (I'm well aware that by doing so I caused more drama, especially for myself.) Even though I knew how I addressed certain problems was wrong, the reason for my reaction was because of the betrayal I felt by those that I thought were in agreement with me (even saying so in private correspondence) and themselves didn't vocalize any objections until the end of the project.

Betrayal

Part of all of my thinking and rehashing all this ONE MORE TIME is because I am trying to identify MY BUTTONS: the things that I do, the things that annoy me, the things that I can't live with, etc so that I can make MY changes. I need to discover as much as I can about what makes me tick. I need also to learn to be okay with the fact that I can't be friends with some people because of the WAY I am. I'm sure I will be much happier.

Instead

I could go on and on about my craptastic day, but I not going to.

Instead I'm happy to report that I truly believe A has overcome his Encopresis. He is having regular BMs at school and at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is taking a break from the stool softener and still have regular BMs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is in underwear during the day and at night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No accidents in weeks...................

and

I at least have something pretty to look at and listen to. The song is on my IPod and I have all the good parts bookmarked at You Tube.



We went to church tonight. I like the shortened services for Lent. We were out of there in 40 minutes and I enjoyed the sermon of the visiting pastor. I got in some prayer and left feeling rejuvinated and calm.

I'm still in my room hiding out with the computer tonight. Hey, I can't be all sweetness and light. I'm going to crash early tonight as I've been up VERY late the last three nights sewing my secret quilt project, surfing the net, and reading. I zipped through Elizabeth Scott's Something, Maybe (YA). I can recommend the sewing, not the surfing, and I loved the book. (Would that I'd of had a boy like Finn in high school.)

Project: Stop Being the Monkey

I'm off to my second visit with my shrink. Yes, probably not the right attitude....

I've thought long an hard about this. My main objective is to develop coping skills. I think more than anything if I could deal better with things or at least had a strategy that I could be a better person and achieve some sort of balance in my life.

The Doctor Said, "No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed"

I'm the monkey jumping on the bed. Sometimes it's as simple as being told to stop doing what you're doing OR at least it should be.

I've been to doctors during my life to discuss my mental health issues. I've usually gone after some crisis or another. Attempting suicide at 16, wigging out shortly after moving into our house for a reason I can't even remember, shoplifting in my 30s, and now the issues of this Coven disaster.

Each time, I went for awhile be it a couple of sessions or more and then quit. Either I didn't like what I was being told or felt the buzz of being all better and then stopped going.

I know what my problems are. Why can't it be as simple as knowing what they are and stopping the behaviors? Is it that I don't have the strength, am used to making excuses, or just don't want to change? I think it's the latter.

What to do....what to do.....

As horrible as I feel most of the time (horrible includes the stressed out feeling, spending money, food therapy, bitchiness.....), I'm never willing to make the changes necessary to be a happier person. I think unhappiness is a habit.

If there is any defense, it's hard to be happy when I'm surrounded by so many enablers and instigators of unhappiness.

I'll just try to tell myself to "Stop being the monkey"

Technical Difficulties

Sorry! I had some technical difficulties after I tried to edit and add a new look. I really screwed up this thing, but I think I've got it all under control.

Wow....it's Sunday night and the weekend just blew by. Definitely not happy about it, but there's nothing I can do except look forward to next weekend and to hope that the week zooms by with little incident.

Todays doings:

Trudged to church. Squirmed in my seat for the service with the rest of the kids. (At least we didn't have Communion.) I know I sound ungrateful and unworthy, but I am struggling. If my faith was just between God and me, it would be an entirely different story. I know I'm not explaining myself to well, but I don't have it in me. Suffice to say before the past couple of months, I was really trying by putting on a very positive face and praying a lot. The kids have become so difficult about going and church has become one more thing that I have to NAG about.

I can't tell you how over I am about having to nag about almost EVERYTHING.

I'm feeling lost. I'm questioning my strength. I'm about to give up on this, too.

And on a funny note, I'm totally obsessed over the One Night with the King movie from movie night a couple of weeks ago. The story of Esther and Xerxes fascinates me. I've been reading up and I'm totally aware that this movie is an incredibly romanticized tale of their story, but I need some romance in my life. I find it very interesting that this movie specifically depends on Jacob, Rachel, and Leah's story as important to the plot, another incredibly fascinating story. I've always enjoyed the history and stories more than the drudgery and politics associated with church going. I've always wanted to know more and tried on numerous occasions studying up, including being inspired for awhile by the Women of the Bible BOM a couple of years ago, but always got distracted with other things. This is my first real attempt as an adult to be involved with organized religion.

One would probably guess that I struggle in THIS group setting as well. One would think, that in this setting of circumstance and reserve, that I could make it work. One would think.......... I always feel like an outsider. Trust me, I tried to get involved but I know it's not imagination as to how set in their ways the congregation is. I wasn't trying to change the world, but infuse some new ideas into doing things. After being rebuffed on all occasions, I've given up.

I've been on Shuffle all afternoon. I've been using my IPod to tune out the world at night with some audiobooks, but I've forced myself to get back into some music. I have over 1000 songs on the thing and I'm enjoying listening to my favorites and shuffling through the rest. I loaded an ITunes card and bought some new tunes the past couple of days. Avril Lavigne's Alice, Lady Antebellum's Need You Now, Mat Kearney's Closer to Love, and Phoenix's 1901.

So, if I can get into a book I may be feeling better on the surface. I doubt my heart will never be the same. I'm just trying to figure out enough distractions.

It Took Just One

It took just one comment to make me feel great and start my day off on the right foot! See how that works?! NOT that anyone should feel invested in making me feel good, but I might as well say that having someone say HI is truly a wonderful thing!!!!!!

Off to church this morning with four kids and a husband that really don't want to go. Heck, even on a God's day, I don't really want to go either. One of these days I will go into all that, but not today.

Who knows what else I'll accomplish today, but I'm sure I'll write about it.

What the Heck am I Doing Here?

Riddle me this....

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

OR

Why am I compelled to blog?

The questions may as well asking the same thing because there really isn't an answer to either that would make any sense to anyone.

I spent the better part of the day running around, spending money, and avoiding getting anything done around the house. It was another Saturday in my developing habit of getting up, stalking the Twilight fandom, going out for coffee, hitting Walmart to purchase targeted essentials, and then coming home to do some laundry while looking for some excuse to head back out.

Hmm..... what did I need to buy today?! A needed new jeans. He really did. I was tired of seeing him wear the capri-like pair, the pair with the rip in the knee, and the pair he can't get unsnapped. Z needed a new pillow. I needed a couple of totes to put stuff in from my dresser. I needed a new mixer to make mashed potatoes (about the only thing I ever use a mixer for).

I needed some more jeans and T-shirts. A couple of months back I bought a pair of jeans in the style I liked and the same brand, etc as my other two favorite pair that are slowly wearing out. I have been a size 12 Short since after A was born. I didn't try on the jeans. This pair I bought are bigger than the other two which I have no explanation for: same brand, same cut, same size. I kept them, but I don't like them as well. I tried on a size 10 today and they fit, but they aren't as roomy as my two favorite pair. If I lost five pounds, I think they would have been perfect. Not going to happen.......... I didn't buy any jeans today! I get SO annoyed by circumstances like this.

I bought three T's. I bought Large, but ended up returning them. I didn't like the fit of them, either. hmpf I'm going to try a medium. They were only $5 so I want to replace them. They are made of the softest cotton!

I didn't need any of the New Moon merchandise in the mini-store at WalMart. Can you imagine the sniggery grins I would attract if I wore a Edward/Robert Pattinson T-shirt? I would have liked to buy some to make a quilt, but then again, I never made the Twilight T-shirt quilt......

I managed to get to two quilt shops today. GAQF didn't have the Metro Blue fabric to finish the Log Cabin Quilt. I could have sworn that they did, but they only had the smaller flower print. I ran up to Harriet's, because I was avoiding being home as I said, and they had the fabric so I won't have to order online. I questioning myself because I don't think I got enough yardage. I need to finish this quilt, but it's a struggle.

I also went to Barnes and Noble and spent a chunk of change on some new books. I've not been reading at all and I'm anxious about that. The last book I read was Shiver--freaking AMAZING book by the way--and I've been lost ever since. I haven't been able to get into anything. Not reading and listening to music are just side effects of my issues.

Why did i go into all this crap?! I don't rightly know. It's not like it's that interesting. It's just a bunch of annoying rambling about my day. I still felt compelled to do it.

Yeah, I blog because I hope someone will read it besides me....hoping that someone will throw me a bone of a comment. The entries aren't even comment-worthy, though. It's not like I write about quilting in a meaningful way. I don't provide tips or any type of service.

Hey, M moved the dresser out of our room while I was doing all this running around. It's now in my living room. Too funny! I'm staring at a blank yellow wall now with a large area scratched to the drywall. Joy I guess I should be happy with the progress. This poking along is going to drive me more bonkers. I don't know why I'm in such a hurry. I've got the rest of my life to get things done. Let's hope it's a lengthy span of time.

Promises Kept, More Promises Broken

I almost gave up blogging again, but I can't seem to to stay away. I know, I know, I keep saying...... I'm almost done reinventing myself as another person entirely and I like her much better than me, but I can't seem to stay away from here because I like the friends I've made. I'm still amazed than there are still people that choose to put up with me after so many have not.....

So, to the heart of this post!

My little A the other day slapped me silly with a comment. "I know you'll do it, Mommy, because you always keep your promises." I about choked on my coffee. (He was commenting on my promise to buy him something.) I sure have him fooled, don't I?

I'm a promise breaker. The person I break most of my promises to is myself. The fact that I break promises to other people is really evil--I only WISH I just broke promises to me!

If I know I do it, then why do I keep doing it and not just stop. I guess that's the million dollar question and the reason I'm in therapy!

If That's the Case

It looks like I'll be using Marcus Brothers Metro Blue to finish the Log Cabin Quilt. The sample I have is for the smaller print, 1" flowers. I think I need to use the larger scale print. The smaller print just gets lost.




w/ smaller flowers


large scale flowers, 2.5"

Some coordinates, maybe binding?

Design Wall Monday: Complicating the Issue

Hello visitors and fans of Design Wall Monday and friends! PatchworkTimes knows how to throw a party!



I have one more row of blocks to sew together. I probably should have pushed to get it done last weekend, but I started working on a top secret quilt project instead in addition to all the other things that the weekend demanded I get done.

M likes this fabric better for the border. I like it, too, and actually thinks it looks better than the other I had picked but there is still some sense of disappointment that I feel because I really liked the Asian butterfly fabric.





It's difficult to tell from the picture and flash effect, but the fabric has a brown background and the flowers are actually much closer in color to the fabrics I used in the blocks. I agree that it is a much better choice.

I wish I had realized we liked this fabric the best because it's at GAQF and their National Quilt Month Sale was this last weekend. 20% is better than nothing. I had sticker shock at the lqs yesterday. I saw some bolts with $11/yd price tags. Ouch!

It is What it is....

It is what it is. I felt motivated enough today even though I knew I was going to be the only one working. I don't usually, but I did today.

I couldn't let the weekend end without working on my dresser. If you can believe it, I gave more clothes away. I down to three pairs of jeans that I actually like to wear, some shirts, and some sleepwear. I need to figure out where I want to put it all since I'm going dresser-less next week. M will take it away next weekend even if I have to bribe him!

I think it's Diane that would be proud of me for finally cleaning out the unmatched sock drawer by throwing them away. I've got to figure out what to do with all the paperwork I've got stuffed in a drawer and stored on top. I'll probably just stuff everything in a tote for now. (I've got the kids' report cards, homemade cards and presents, and assorted other stuff I'm not willing to part with--yet.) I've also got years of school picture packets to store.

I found some stuff like made me grimace with embarrassment. For instance, I ran around town looking for a New Years banner and I have one still in its package from who knows when. (Nice to know that I'm consistent in my ideas. One of these days I'll get the kids together in their New Years hats to take that picture.) I found all of my Stephenie Meyer autographed books: Twilight, the recently received New Moon (for making the Twilight Quilt), Breaking Dawn, and The Host. The funny thing is that I've NEVER been about autographs and I'm still not, but I have all these books. I know how special they are! I've just never been one to display things. I also found the Twilight, the movie, T-Shirts I bought to make a T-Shirt quilt eons ago.

I have one more row on the Log Cabin quilt to sew. I think I've solved my border problem. I've never been one for plain borders of just fabric, I usually piece something, but I had one planned all along for this quilt because the quilt I used as inspiration had one. I've listened to everyone's advice, but I still like that brown Asian butterfly fabric I have. I really do think it will work. See if you can picture this? I will sew a 3" border of the brown fabric, then a light aqua fabric strip (2"?) next, and last another border of the brown fabric. I will get to use the fabric I want but also tie the border to the rest of the quilt with the aqua fabric. I think I might even use one of the very first two fabrics from the Log Cabin blocks. I've found enough of the fabric online, but I'm going to see if the lqs I bought it at still has some........next week when I get a new supply of money.

***edited, 5 p.m.

Had to get out of the house this afternoon. The kids were fighting over the cat. I left to go to the lqs. They didn't have anymore of the butterfly fabric except for FQs so I'll have to get it online.

If You Can't Beat Them, Join 'Em

I'm full of cliches this week.

To the first cliche:

If you can't beat them, join them. I've reverted to my Starbucks habit with full-time work. I still prefer my McD's Vanilla Iced Coffees, but with the cold mornings I prefer a hot drink--especially if I have the money to pay for it. I find it easy to talk myself into Starbucks and, worse, a Venti drink many mornings. Add banana bread and it over $6. Around my birthday, an my location was sampling lattes made with Via. Not bad! I was hoping for some for my birthday, but no one got me any. When I was in this week, money burning a hole in my pocket, and some need to buy....something....I bought the makings of Cinnamon Dolce lattes at home. I'm having my first one as I write. (How bad is it that I'm not sure if it tastes the same? I think next time I'm going to buy one and make one at the same time so I can be sure.) I was surprised that the Cinnamon Dolce syrup wasn't more than $6.95 for the 1 litre or 33.8 oz bottle. $9.95 for 12 Via packets. I couldn't remember the recipe when I got home so I grabbed my favorite mug, filled it up with milk, and then measured the amount. I'm drinking a 12 oz milk, 1 Via packet, 4 pump homemade latte and it tastes good! I figure I made it for less than $2, saving me a $1 or more since a Tall is 12 oz. So after all this dribble, I guess what I'm saying is:

If I have to have my coffee, I at least feel good about finding a cheaper alternative!

Or maybe this is my having my cake and eating it, too.....

Busy and lazy day today. I'm also full of contradictions it seems. How can one be busy and lazy, you ask? I made plans with S and her friend today, but we didn't leave until 11. I had time to load the dishwasher, do some laundry, and vacuum. It's tough for me not to get something done.

I've been promising for weeks and weeks to take S and her friend Ash to Build A Bear and lunch, but something has always got in the way. The money ran out or we had family plans. I kept my promise today.

No new bears or other stuffed animals to report, but the girls picked out a couple of outfits. It was either shoes or matching cell phones and cell phones won out. If S can't have a real one, at least her stuffed friend can have a play one.

Next it was lunch at Olive Garden. I really splurged today. Hey, it's only money.... The girls didn't each much, but I let them have desert. S got talked into a strawberry milkshake like her friend's. Neither one of them drank hardly any of it. (She is definitely the follower in their relationship.) My Manicotti Formaggio was overseasoned with too much pepper. I should have sent it back and asked for something else, but I don't ever like to make waves.

The girls didn't want to go home after lunch. They wanted to stay together. (S actually wanted to take me to Alice, but Ash had already seen it. She's really unhappy because the rest of the family is out seeing it now.) We talked about going to see a movie--may be even New Moon--but they decided to play at our house instead. However, they needed to get a new toy to make the afternoon more interesting....hmpf! Off to WalMart and two identical palm-sized mechanical dogs.

And, so much for me getting my Log Cabin Quilt border fabric until next payday. Yes, I know I spoiled them. They're sweeties, though, and they had a great time! I don't mind.

I came home to be a slug while they played. I loaded the rest of the dishes and did some more laundry. I'm channel surfing the way through the afternoon: Aliens vs. Predator and SpongeBob SquarePants for example.

I pinned the previously mis-sewed Log Cabin rows this morning. I'm just not in the mood to sew them now that I can't rush right out and buy border fabric. 1, 2, 3........roll eyes!

You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat it TOO

I can't sleep as much as I'd like and get everything I want to get done. I've always been a person who wants my cake and to eat it, too. I know I'm supposed to understand this quote, but I really don't because on it's face it just doesn't sound like it makes sense. It's almost like an Alice in Wonderland quote.

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?"
"Come, we shall have some fun now!" thought Alice. "I'm glad they've begun asking riddles. — I believe I can guess that," she added aloud.
"Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?" said the March Hare.
"Exactly so," said Alice.
"Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.
"I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "You might just as well say that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"
"You might just as well say," added the March Hare, "that 'I like what I get' is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!"
"You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'!"

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 7

I do understand that I want to sleep a lot, but I also want to get more accomplished. Something has to give and so I usually get less done because I've never been able to train my body to do with less sleep. I can stay up late some nights, but usually I ended up paying the piper after that.

I guess the answer would be to get more done in the time I'm awake? I usually take life at a leisurely pace, though. I guess I really do want to have my cake and eat it too.

And while we're on the subject of cake, this one also applies to my life of late:

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Dave Barry

Quilting, My Stress..............Reliever

It's supposed to be that way. It ends up more often than not being so, but not because the reasons you might think.

I can never let a visible mistake go. I'm done apologizing for it! It has nothing to do with me being an unhappy person or a perfectionist. I don't prescribe to the motto, "better done than perfect." If I see a mistake and it's within my power to fix it, then I don't see ANY reason not to fix it.

This is MY way of thinking. To each his own!!!! If mistakes don't bother people and it's not a group project, then I don't care if YOU don't want to fix things and let them be. I'm not that way.

This doesn't mean that I'm a perfect quilter. Far from it...... But, I'm the type that doesn't let things be if I it's within my power to fix them.

The reasons my quilting stresses me out sometimes:

1) The goals I set

2) Thinking about wanting to quilt and not being able to

3) Worrying that people think my work is crap or that they don't get it

4) People misunderstanding me because of the above need to correct mistakes

5) Not being able to get a design or the colors right

6) The making of stupid sewing errors--the kind if I would just check twice to cut or sew once

These are just a few of things that can stress me out. I would never give up quilting because of any of them. However, we all know I run with scissors (to borrow a phrase) and that I don't play well with others. I do like to vent a little.....okay, a lot.

Last night I had a stressful quilting night. Brenda told me to "sew something". I've been wanting to finish the Quilt. GAQF is having another sale this weekend so I'd like to get my border fabric and it's just me that I need to have this top done to be able to make a good decision.

After church, chores, kids' bedtime rituals, and the replay of Burn Notice I talked M into finally watching The Taking of Pelham 123 that I've so long we should have just bought the movie. (I love Denzel and John so I've been wanting to see it. My review: good, but maybe I just wasn't in the mood for all the violence and bad language.) Movies=sewing

I had pinned Rows 3 and 4 together the night before. I sewed them without issue--seams all butted well, even the ones that didn't nest (just a luck of the draw with these blocks and their seams). Finished this sewing mid-movie so I moved on to sewing these rows with already combined Rows 1 and 2. Now, I swear I checked my picture to be sure that I was sewing the rows together correctly (i.e. so the bargello effect would occur).......... Pinned and sewed. Opened to press and oh, #$%!. Yeah, you got it. I had sewed the rows the wrong way. (Shades of Saratoga Lights, but not so bad--if you will remember, I had the whole top pieced and TRIMMED when I realized that I had sewn a block in a row the wrong way. This wasn't the first mistake in THAT quilt which made it that much worse.)

Calmly and quietly reverse sewed. LOOKED AT MY PICTURE and pinned the ends together. If I'm in the mood tonight and have the time, I will try again. I don't think we have anywhere to be?

Full-Time=No-Time

Brenda would tell me 20-minutes a day, hon.....

I'm overjoyed that soccer has officially started up with C's first practice last night. The other two start in a couple of weeks.

My dresser is still piled high with junk!

I've blown my budget on stress-relieving purchases and food cravings. Shame on me!

We're back to enemas at my house.

I vegged out on T.V. the past two nights.

My other blog has officially been abandoned because I'm too ashamed to show my non-goal-meeting face there.

I'm better posing as someone else. I even like myself better.....

I still owe someone a quilt that got abandoned for depression sake, but I still need to get 'er done.

On a brighter note:

Weather is awesome in Denver right now.