Betrayals

You may not believe it, but I do edit a lot while writing and definitely before publishing. It could be much worse........... Sure the blog is for me to get it all out, but you well know how much I like visitors and comments because I don't feel as alone as I could be. With every angsty entry I worry, but I usually publish something or another even if it's a muted version of what I really want to say. The focus of this blog changed when I deleted my other one and I'm still not happy about that. One might not understand why I have to have more than one blog, but I do. I intended for this one to be about my home improvements and how quilting was a part of that. Until I get off my ass and have another blog, this is where I'll continue to spew.

I'm trying to be done with making excuses for what I write about on this blog. This one may or may not be a doozy by standards, but I must write. Read if you want!

Work has been difficult for awhile now. I've been dealing with a situation involving another division of my company. I'm a bookeeper with other evolving responsibilities so I have been drawn into the whole drama. I've been so stressed out over the whole situation! It looks like it's going to be resolved very soon even in an uncomfortable and wrenching way. I played along for as long as I could, but I'm honestly glad it's going to be resolved because it will relieve some of my work stress.

The situation brings to mind a peeve of mine: Betrayal. My boss trusted someone. He gave someone an opportunity and was sorely taken advantage of. My boss is upset by the business failure, but he's more upset and HURT by the betrayal he feels. I so get that!

A few months back I went through my own situation. I lay a lot of the blame at my feet for any number of reasons, including my lack of communication to parties that I had issue with and their work because I cringe at conflict. (I'm well aware that by doing so I caused more drama, especially for myself.) Even though I knew how I addressed certain problems was wrong, the reason for my reaction was because of the betrayal I felt by those that I thought were in agreement with me (even saying so in private correspondence) and themselves didn't vocalize any objections until the end of the project.

Betrayal

Part of all of my thinking and rehashing all this ONE MORE TIME is because I am trying to identify MY BUTTONS: the things that I do, the things that annoy me, the things that I can't live with, etc so that I can make MY changes. I need to discover as much as I can about what makes me tick. I need also to learn to be okay with the fact that I can't be friends with some people because of the WAY I am. I'm sure I will be much happier.