The Doctor Said, "No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed"

I'm the monkey jumping on the bed. Sometimes it's as simple as being told to stop doing what you're doing OR at least it should be.

I've been to doctors during my life to discuss my mental health issues. I've usually gone after some crisis or another. Attempting suicide at 16, wigging out shortly after moving into our house for a reason I can't even remember, shoplifting in my 30s, and now the issues of this Coven disaster.

Each time, I went for awhile be it a couple of sessions or more and then quit. Either I didn't like what I was being told or felt the buzz of being all better and then stopped going.

I know what my problems are. Why can't it be as simple as knowing what they are and stopping the behaviors? Is it that I don't have the strength, am used to making excuses, or just don't want to change? I think it's the latter.

What to do....what to do.....

As horrible as I feel most of the time (horrible includes the stressed out feeling, spending money, food therapy, bitchiness.....), I'm never willing to make the changes necessary to be a happier person. I think unhappiness is a habit.

If there is any defense, it's hard to be happy when I'm surrounded by so many enablers and instigators of unhappiness.

I'll just try to tell myself to "Stop being the monkey"